everlearn

3/02/2005

Uggh... The Grossest Thing Happened To Me Today...

And so... eewwwww...

Since I have not been working these past few days I have no reason to leave my pad... so the only thing I have to look forward to is myalldaylongdrinkingof... coffee...

//Flazback//
Before we got the snow on Monday I bought extra coffee... extra Equal... and extra...
//pause for effect//
... Half and Half...
Shop and Stop did not have any quarts so I bought two pints of Half and Half... //roulf//...
//End Flazback//

Soooo today I finish the last of the old quarts of Half and Half and so I open one of the new pints of Half and Half....
And as I poured it into ma mug... I saw some globs come out but I thought they were like just bubbles... so I add ma coffee and... I notice like tiny iceburgs floating in my coffee... I was like 'rruh rro'...
Sooo... I went to smell it...

And ya know sometimes when ya drink out of a can of soda and sometimes ya use a straw and sometimes ya spill it because you are using the straw but tip the can as if there was no straw...

...well...

I was suppose to smell it right?!?...

...and not drink it right?!?...

So I slowly begin to bring it up to my mouth/nose...

Wondering all the while...

What could of happend to it...

I just bought it...

//getting closer to my mouth/nose//

It could be frozen chunks...

But then everything else would frozen too...

//then it got super close to my mouth/nose//

And that is when it happened...

Suddenly!!!

I realized...

... and I was like... Oh My Gawd... I almost drank the skank!!!!

Whew!

Close one!!!

Ughh!

So I smelled it and... it did not smell bad... but it did not smell right....
Uggh...
So I poured it down the sink.. and the chunks... they were like about the size of chocolate chips ya find in Chips Ahoy cookies and they started... uggh... they started to clog up the drain... and the white liquid flem began to pool in the middle of the sink...
I ran the water to get it down, but the chunks... they were standing their ground... finally I took a fork //which I will never use again// and unclog the chunks and washed them down along with all the white flem...eewwwww...

...Coffee mug goes into the dishwasher...

So I grabbed the other pint of Half and Half out of the frigidare... wishing and wishing and wishing that it was not 'evil'... because that was the last... The Last of the Half and Half...

So I pour a little coffee into a new coffee mug and some equal//in retrospect... not smart// and then added the Half and Half.. and this time... the chunks... they were... they were bigger...

So I turned super quick and grabbed yet another sacrificial fork and I began to pour into the sink.. the chunks were like the size of corn flakes... and I jammed them down into the drain like my life depended on it.... all the while 'Horror Movie Soundtrack' echoed in my head... uggh...

And yet another coffee mug goes into the dishwasher...

Whew... so all I had left was a quart of 2% Milk and I prayed that the the 'evilness' did not spread...
So I made... yet again... another mug and began to pour... surprisingly... silky smooth whiteness.... thank goodness...
So I used it... it was not the same as Half and Half... but I used it any way...

//Enter Afterparty//
And sure... it wasn't the grossest thing EVER but it was the grossest thing that happened to me today... and hey... I never even went outside... not even once... not even to get the mail... laziness so rulez!!!

//wispers//
Did ya really think that I drank the skank?!?
//ends wisper//

Listen... just because I am good looking does not mean that I am a moron!!!
Sheesh!

In a word... soy...

///posted by the often humiliated but never decaffeinated X @ 3/02/2005

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